Master's Reading and Writing, What is Shame?

All of us at one time or another probably had a parent, teacher, or older person say, “Shame on you,” for something inappropriate they felt we did.  It’s also quite common to hear people say things like, “I am ashamed of myself for what I have done,” or “You should be ashamed in yourself.”  We throw this term around quite a bit, but it is not exactly clear what we mean by shame because we use it in different contexts.

Shame is often a low feeling someone has about themselves for something bad they have done.  For example, if you stole something or caused harm to someone else, you feel shame because you know it was wrong, and now you must live with that feeling for the rest of their life.  Some people might say this feeling is guilt.  I’d say you feel guilt for the action, but you feel shame about yourself.  So, shame is the low image in your mind that you have.  

Now, another use of shame is the verb to shame someone, which is to make this person look bad in the public’s eyes.  For example, if you make a person who committed a crime stand out in public with a large sign that says, “I am a criminal,” then they call this a public shaming.  In this context, shame means to make someone’s image look bad to others and to damage their reputation, sometimes beyond repair.  

Shame is often used in the expression, “Isn’t that a shame?”  For example, you can say, “Isn’t a shame John couldn’t be here at the party tonight.  He would have such a good time!”  By this we mean isn’t it disappointing.  

Shame does not necessarily refer to doing a bad thing.  For example, some people might say that they are ashamed of themselves if they didn’t get the best score in class, or if their team doesn’t win a lot of games in a particular sport.  But, just because these things aren’t great, it doesn’t mean they are shameful necessarily, especially if it is not that person’s fault.  

So, shame has different meanings depending on how we use it.  All in all, it has a negative connotation, and it definitely refers to a feeling of being unworthy or below others, either for something you have done or for who or what you are.  Regardless of it’s meaning, it’s a feeling we should avoid at all costs.